Monday, April 29, 2013

Grace, Gratitude, Regret, Forgiveness, Wisdom

I feel sorrow and regret for my written words earlier this year.

I posted sometime (maybe in Feb) that Dr. Fiance has asked for my input on his applications for away rotations. I had told him not to apply to a certain location since he has family there with severe drug problems. I felt that doing his real residency there would lead to complications with family showing up soliciting money and or exposing our future children to another world. He pretty much blew me off and said it was a good program. That was the end of it; thus, I vented online. 

Dr. Fiance's cousin died of an overdoes of heroin this past week. The funeral was yesterday. At age 26 he  left behind a wife and 2 children, 9 and 2. 

I cried a good part of today. I had only met him twice although I've been with Dr.F for almost a decade. I watched his wife cry in the front of the church as the little ones walked about the isle. It hit me that Dr. F's cousin was our age. We could very well have children that age if we made different choices or if outcomes had been different. It only takes 1 choice to change life on a different path. Dr. F's cousin was (to my knowledge) tested in school and was deemed "gifted and talented", just like Dr. F. Again just like my fiance, he had several opportunities to do good. Unfortunately, unlike my fiance, his cousin made the wrong choices.

 In physics you learn that electricity always takes the path of least resistance. Is it possible doing wrong is the path of least resistance for some? I cant help but wonder, why do we make the choices we do? These decisions happen in an instant. Spontaneous. Random. Are people prompted and pre-ordained to their destinies; and if so, for what reason?

In truth, they were raised differently. His cousin bounced from his real mom's house to his aunt's in Colorado. His biological mother suffered from drug addiction as well, leading him to move in with the other Aunt in Colorado. Not much has changed. She, the biological mom, was helped out of her home a few days before the funeral on account of too many Ativan. Google it says it's a very strong anti anxiety medicine that will cause "high" like symptoms if used without concern for the recommended dosage. Why do some people choose to expose children and adolescents to these activities? Constant exposure to adults making poor choices numbs the negative consequences to create the decision to use drugs easy. Why resist the temptation if you know and have seem the outcome. As a middle school teacher in a low income district  I am angered by this daily. In the same breath, I am grateful my job is to help curve the decisions before they are too late.  Morality is stowed by 7th grade. Family is the main hinge of morality. The pastor was careful to tip toe around these issues as she, the real mother, sat separate from her other children sobbing. 

In the greeting processional after the service, Dr. F's mother hugged me with concern, sadness, and appreciation and said, "Listen to the words in the last hymn: Count your blessings. Take care of my baby." Tears filled my eyes as I simultaneously felt the 2 year old brush around my legs. 

It is still echoing and might forever continue.

You have made more an impact than you know.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes having a visual and personal reminder of the effect our decisions have on a person and a family can be a source of good. Some decisions aren't as visible as drug use but have similar affects. While I am sad some members of my extended family have made poor financial decisions, I am glad I have been able to see the process. Seeing it helped me set clear and firm goals concerning our finances. I never wanted to live like they did (although during the spending freenzy I sure thought I did).