Monday, April 29, 2013

Grace, Gratitude, Regret, Forgiveness, Wisdom

I feel sorrow and regret for my written words earlier this year.

I posted sometime (maybe in Feb) that Dr. Fiance has asked for my input on his applications for away rotations. I had told him not to apply to a certain location since he has family there with severe drug problems. I felt that doing his real residency there would lead to complications with family showing up soliciting money and or exposing our future children to another world. He pretty much blew me off and said it was a good program. That was the end of it; thus, I vented online. 

Dr. Fiance's cousin died of an overdoes of heroin this past week. The funeral was yesterday. At age 26 he  left behind a wife and 2 children, 9 and 2. 

I cried a good part of today. I had only met him twice although I've been with Dr.F for almost a decade. I watched his wife cry in the front of the church as the little ones walked about the isle. It hit me that Dr. F's cousin was our age. We could very well have children that age if we made different choices or if outcomes had been different. It only takes 1 choice to change life on a different path. Dr. F's cousin was (to my knowledge) tested in school and was deemed "gifted and talented", just like Dr. F. Again just like my fiance, he had several opportunities to do good. Unfortunately, unlike my fiance, his cousin made the wrong choices.

 In physics you learn that electricity always takes the path of least resistance. Is it possible doing wrong is the path of least resistance for some? I cant help but wonder, why do we make the choices we do? These decisions happen in an instant. Spontaneous. Random. Are people prompted and pre-ordained to their destinies; and if so, for what reason?

In truth, they were raised differently. His cousin bounced from his real mom's house to his aunt's in Colorado. His biological mother suffered from drug addiction as well, leading him to move in with the other Aunt in Colorado. Not much has changed. She, the biological mom, was helped out of her home a few days before the funeral on account of too many Ativan. Google it says it's a very strong anti anxiety medicine that will cause "high" like symptoms if used without concern for the recommended dosage. Why do some people choose to expose children and adolescents to these activities? Constant exposure to adults making poor choices numbs the negative consequences to create the decision to use drugs easy. Why resist the temptation if you know and have seem the outcome. As a middle school teacher in a low income district  I am angered by this daily. In the same breath, I am grateful my job is to help curve the decisions before they are too late.  Morality is stowed by 7th grade. Family is the main hinge of morality. The pastor was careful to tip toe around these issues as she, the real mother, sat separate from her other children sobbing. 

In the greeting processional after the service, Dr. F's mother hugged me with concern, sadness, and appreciation and said, "Listen to the words in the last hymn: Count your blessings. Take care of my baby." Tears filled my eyes as I simultaneously felt the 2 year old brush around my legs. 

It is still echoing and might forever continue.

You have made more an impact than you know.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Bridesmaids Dresses.... Check!

I was so pleased this weekend when my 5 awesome bridesmaids walked into the dress store and 40 minutes later walked out agreeing on a style and dress color! My grandma has a major issue with strapless dresses. I also knew I wanted something short for them to wear again and dance in. I let the girls know guidelines and said "GO". I am very happy they all agreed on a dress that looks great on all of them!

This color (turkish blue) in a dupioni silk fabric (obviously not this dress):


But this dress pattern:

Bridesmaids will be wearing the same or very similar open toe nude pumps.

I am still in love with these flowers: 

This is the overall look I am leaning towards: 

Groomsmen will be in black. 

Getting excited! 435 more days to go! haha

What colors should the mom and mom in law wear? My dress is ivory lace with a champagne underlay. The sash that comes with it is beige. I can switch that out though if needed. This a picture of something similar... but not the actual style I bought. 

My make up since I have the same eye color and hair color :)