A three day weekend with my long distance fiance....
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
My family and friends have warned me about general “cons” to his career choice. I so far have not had any problem. Why? Because he is a fantastic man. Period. A part of me thinks that if I am aware of potential problems, that I might fix them before they start or prepare myself for the road ahead. Admitting you (might) have a problem is the first step….
Orthopedic Surgeon Stereotypes/ Issues:
- Cheating: My mother warned me from the time my now fiancé pick pre-med in college that doctors have a reputation for cheating on their wives. She still likes to remind me of this from time to time.
- Long hours and never home: My maternal grandma since we got engaged has been having sit-down talks about raising kids on my own. She raised 5 kids as a stay at home mom. She says she has no idea how she would have done it without staying home. I would imagine my uncles were a nightmare! In one of the classic stories told every Christmas, my uncles as boys somehow set fire to the driveway and put it out before grandpa or she found out. In another story, my uncle ran across his 1st grade classroom (from the back of the room) after half paying attention to his teacher say “whoever knocks this over is gonna get it!” Naturally she was meaning ”knock this over and you get in big trouble!” Oh Uncle Bup (as we call him)… the teacher said nothing to him beside grab his arm an march him down to the principal’s office after he asked “what do I win?” Long story short- poor grandma B.
- Recreational activities: Otho is notoriously know for it being “The good ol’ boys club”. See the picture:
- Big Headedness: Need I say more....
- Expectations: I have heard other doc wives say that have struggled being a stay at home wife and the husband comes home to expect perfection. I know from babysitting how crazy the life of a stay at home mom can be with multiple kiddos.
- Pay/Debt: Residency only pays 50,000 per year. He alone for school (not cars or housing) has 300,000 of debt. We will be paying student loans through residency that lasts 5-6 years for surgeons. If you want to specialize, you may add another year.
- Moving: Medical families often move for undergrad, another for medical school, another move for residency, another possible move for fellowship, and another move when they find a real job.
Here is the thing about this post that is unsettling. ( I know this entire reading is sounding a tad depressing) I feel if I look at the good side to his career, I am scared I might find a lot less in that list. I am also scared after being together for 9 years, I might find that the only thing on that list is $$$. BAHAha and that isn’t even a pro until we pay off his debt of $300,000 and mine of $50,000. I love when my friend say “I looked up on google how much your husband will make and saw the figure $300,000 to $600,000 per year! No wonder you stayed with him for 8 years waiting for him to propose!” ….What an awesome way to burn me, not once but twice in a sentence! Good for you. I am so sick of justifying my relationship. Thank god my best friend and future maid of honor’s father is a general surgeon. She gets it. Just for everyone else, yes you who told me to be cautious marrying an othro guy, this is a list of wonderful things about him AND his career choice:
- Helping People: He improves people’s quality of life. When is the last time you gave someone the ability to walk again? It is sexy, awesome, and makes me proud he picked me J Our future family will understand how helping people comes full circle.
- Loving his job: I think life is about find what you love and holding on to it.
- Goal Setting: He is driven and proves time and again, he is able to set and reach goals.
- Security: I will always feel safe with him. When we do decide to start a family, I will be able to go to him for everything!
- Academics: I am so proud of how smart he is.
- Balance: So far in medical school, he has done VERY well balancing our long distance relationship, working out, school, and friends. He will do well balancing work and a family in the future.
- Quality time: The time he does spend with our future family will be cherished.
- Working Hard: Our children will know the value of working hard. Hopefully our future vacations with provide them with great experiences.
- The Value of Education: Our future children will grow up knowing academics pays off.
- Support: He and I will always need to be very supportive of one another to keep out marraige going. Never forgeting to do this will always make everyone in our family feel important.
I feel so much better for actually making the list! The pros are longer!!! Lol
Despite all the warning people have given me, he is an amazing man. I could not imagine living the adventure with anyone else. The pros definitely outweigh the cons. Is anything really perfect? Why try to find a problem when I don't have one!?
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I usually go to the grocery store once a week to pick up produce for lunches and such. It has become a ritual that I call my paternal grandma who is 82 years old while pushing my Giant Eagle cart. Maybe it's an excuse to roam up and down every isle as if I don't know what I am looking for. Any how... our latest conversation was about where we might be going for residency. The fiance is currently MS3 in Toledo, Ohio for medical school. I am teaching in Lancaster, Ohio at my dream job. Explaining how hard it is to pick Columbus, Ohio for orthopedic residency is quite the conversation. It is much too long and confusing for G-ma J. She made me smile today as I was looking at canned tuna when she told me "If it will help, I will pray for it to happen every night." "Thanks grandma." It is not the easiest thing in the world- telling your grandparents you might not live within a days drive anymore.... Especially when telling someone who thinks my cat is a grandchild. Someday the sadness of that fact will fade to hilarity. The heavy conversation flowed to talk about money. Gma-"Your dad just told me that you will be making more than him right after he gets out of school??!"
Me-"Yes, that's likely true. Especially if I have a few years under my belt teaching by then. I think residents make a set 45ish"
Gma- "You make what now?"
Me-"Mmm last year 38. This year 39. I think by the time he enters residency our raise will put me in the low 40s. By the time he is done with residency, maybe upper 40s."
Gma-" Thats not too bad."
Me- "Pays the bills."
She went on to ask about my student loans. I am fortunate to have a job in a low income school. If I teach there for 5 years, I get $17,000 of my loans forgiven. By the time he gets into residency, we will be married and I will have 3 years experience in. Long distance while newlyweds is not an option. After telling my Gma this, I'm sure her expression was something like the picture above. lol Here's hoping it works out!! :)
So at my old roommates bridal shower I hear one of her guest ask “So your getting married to a doctor, why are you working?” I don’t think my frontal lobe has ever worked so hard to keep from reaching over the table and strangling her! I paused as the group around me (knowing all to well my feelings on the subject) looked around and waited for an eruption to occur. About 10 seconds later after whipping the “are you crazy” face off my expression, I said “…because I have goals and ambitions.?” My roommate jumped in and said “yah- she was never the type of person to just sit on the couch and do nothing even when I lived with her. She was always up doing something.” (Rolled my eyes..Bitches be crazy.) I mean really??? Do you think I started dating my fiancé when I was 15 because I knew he would be a doctor. Bahh! The nerve of some people. I proceeded to give her a lecture about residency pay and medical school loans. (Please see the tab: When I grow up...) Happy ending to the story though! – She left well educated.
Yes... I judged you silly girl for not having ambitions and goals. I happen to love what I do.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Perfection is something that I have always found captivating. Daydreaming about the perfect way I should look, the perfect man, the perfect house, the perfect family, lifestyle, car, and profession are all ideas both terribly and wonderfully fascinating. The daydreaming of this lifestyle is a secret pleasure. (And for the record, I hate the word “pleasure”. Some part of me thinks it’s due to the fact that everything pleasurable is not at always perfect.) Society, through my experience, seems to distance themselves from what they consider flawless. Unless relatable, perfection has a negative connotation. Since perfection is so unattainable, we are all left in a mess of pity and envy towards a fantasy. Life is messy. If you are lucky, it is flawed. This blog is not about perfection but much the opposite.
This blog is about marriage to my high school sweetheart and a medical student on his way to becoming an orthopedic surgeon. For many, I am living the “fantasy”. For many, I am sure this blog will seem irritating for suggesting that the “dream” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. This "Want-a-be-Stepford Wife” has a career out shadowed by her soon-to-be husband. Although proud of him for so many reasons, sometime I feel like an accessory. This blog is my therapeutic release which brands my diamond sparkles in the shadow of his career. When I accepted his engagement ring as a symbol of our love, he accepted my goals and ambitions are important too.