Monday, November 23, 2015

My Own Pre vs Post Wife Expectations

What I thought being a wife would be like:

Poetic Strength

With medical residency interviews in progress, I thought I would take time to reflect on the quotes that have resonated with me following my husband though the first years of orthopedic surgery residency. I wish I could say I have been 100% supportive through his medical journey. We, after all, started dating at age 15, went to undergrad together and, were long distance through medical school by 3 and a half hours. The reality is that being a significant other in the medical community put mildly is tough. If you are in the significant others club, you know what I’m talking about. I’ve spent my fair share of his call nights on Pinterest, panning through the motivational quotes section in our queen size bed with an English Bulldog warming my feet, German Shepard fit snuggly under the bed, without a husband beside me. My eyes look harshly at the warm glare of my phone screen against the dark background of the bedroom searching for poetic strength not to take my annoyance at our situation out on him after he has been at work for 24 hours plus. These sayings have kept me grounded and often shake my negative attitude into a positive one.

1.)    We don’t meet people by accident, they cross our paths for a reason.

I cannot believe how fortunate we are to have landed in residency in a program that feels like a family. I would have never thought that my social life would have been comparable to what it was after leaving all of our friends.  Landing residency here was a blessing.

2.)    How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. –Winnie the Pooh

Distance from family and friends makes you realize how many wonderful people are in your life. I am so happy when I have friends drive so far to see me. The effort alone speaks volumes about our friendship.

3.)    “I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve.” –Jane Austen

 I have everything I need.


4.)    “Success is not convenient… it leads to a life of convenience.”

 We live our 20's to work, 30's for family, and 40's to enjoy the fruit of the tree we planted 20 years prior. Intelligence is not just getting an A on a test but realizing that gratification does not have to be instantaneous. Waiting is often against social norms but is in fact acceptable. Long hours = bigger checks someday. Be patient.


5.)    Most women want a man that’s already established. A strong woman will be a part of his struggle, survive it, succeed together, and build an empire.

 Having a common goal  in our marriage makes us stronger.


6.)    The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of only noticing how much your significant other is not home and how much time they might spend studying. It takes a special strength to not see your husband for the “80 hour work week rule” (cough cough… 100 hour work week) to then have him come home and retreat to the basement to read for lecture the next morning. It hard to take care of the house alone, prep all the food, and keep 2 dogs and a cat from killing each other while working 50 hours per week. It’s nuts; and I’m pretty impressed at myself honestly! In the midst of all the crazy, it’s so easy to look around and forget how nice our first house actually turned out to be, that we have food in the refrigerator, have money left over at the end of the month, and have a husband who is working his ass off every day for our family’s future betterment.


7.)    Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.


8.)    Growth happens at the end of your comfort zone.

The most fun I've ever had was because of a situation that made me uncomfortable. Just jump. It all works out in the end.

9.)    Life does not owe you anything. Not happiness, wealth, power, success, or love. It is your job to create that for yourself.

The more work you put in to anyone of those areas, the more satisfaction you get out. Staying in does not help any of it. Push yourself to get out and make new friends. Try new things. If you are lucky enough to be placed area with people of different backgrounds, use it as a learning experience.







Tuesday, March 17, 2015

My Fur-Baby Scarlet!

During the first weeks of my new teaching job, Charlie and I decided to adopt Scarlet the German Shepard pup!

She has been a wonderfully chaotic addition to our family. 

Scarlet enjoys:
·         Tearing the stuffing out of her chew toys
·         Our neighbors pugs (she plays with them through the chain link fence)
·         Taking our socks outside to play with
·         Chasing the cat
·         Sleeping under our bed

At 8 months Scarlet is working toward:
·         Not nipping at hands
·         Coming when called
·         Running on a leash
·         Not chasing the cat
·         Following the first command we give her, not the 3rd.

Monday, March 2, 2015

First Months of PGY1

Guys, I’m going to get real with you for a second. It wasn’t easy. My first (half) year of marriage wasn’t what I expected; but, a year after match day with reflective eyes and fresh perspective, I can truly say we matched where we are supposed to be.

If you follow my blog, you know my June 2014 was pretty exciting. I finished my last day teaching at a school that I poured my heart, sole, and tears into, walked down the aisle 3 days later, closed on our house 3 days later, and moved out of my apartment 2 days after that. Charlie started his new job a week later. No honeymoon. I remember laying on a mattress on the floor of my new “master bedroom” 2 days after we were married WITHOUT my new husband thinking, “this is not how I pictured things”. He was back in our hometown retrieving the rest of his furniture from his parent’s house and coming up the next morning.

 I also never thought leaving my first teaching job was so rough. I was blessed to find a new job right away. Nothing will ever compare to LCS- fact. I miss the sense of community and pride in knowing I was going above and beyond for my students when their OAA scores came in. My job now is just very different. That’s all I’ll say. The up side though is that I have a lot less stress! I know feel how much stress my body was under at my old job. It’s great to be freed from that. Instead of coaching, I know tutor at $20/hr through Marshall University 4 hours a week. I can and hope to up my hours during the summer. I’m setting all the money aside in a savings account. My school also allows me to do parent workshops for a few hours on a given night of my choosing for $25/hr. It works out to $100 each time I do one since they also pay for prep time. Not bad at all! It definitely helps to make up for my pay cut coming from Ohio to West Virginia. I think my pay cut was something around $8k. 

A few months into PGY1 I was having crying fits multiple times a week. It got to be crippling. Charlie and I were fighting – over nothing. I was simply furious, constantly. Around Christmas I was introduced to the anti-depressant called Lexapro by of all doctors, my gyno. Let me tell you, EVERYTHING changed. I have not had a single crying spell or fought with Charlie since. I surely thought being so angry all the time was a result of PGY1 and being so resentful about having to move and quit my respected teaching job. I was in total denial. When you think of depression, you think more of the sadness and not the anger. Since I went to my gyno and told him my symptoms, he never gave me a diagnosis per say. When you google depression, to my surprise anger is one of the top symptoms along with weight changes, trouble sleeping, sadness, and low self-esteem. 

My last post was about how “fit” I was during my bachelor party. Well kids, I’m not fit anymore. Post wedding, I quit eating paleo and did the “whatever sounds good” diet. I also quit working out altogether. Why? I’m not really sure. Here I am writing this at 124lbs. 10 pounds heavier than in the picture below and embarrassed. Call it marriage. Call it lazy. Call it depressed. The craziest part of it all I still pay for a crossfit membership and don’t go. Whaaatttt???  I’ve been stuck in a rut of “tomorrow I’ll go.” Ridiculous. The upside is that I feel my energy levels coming back after completing the Whole30 (same diet I did before the super in shape pic before my bachelorette) and have lost 5 lbs! 

It’s now March and I finally feel like I have a hold of my new live in the residency phase. I’m going to church regularly, now eating how I used to pre-move and pre-wedding, feel secure in my new job, and ready to make a change to start lifting again. Life is good. My marriage is great. I am happy J!