Friday, October 12, 2012

Hi. My name is__. I'm married to an Orthopedic Surgeon.

My family and friends have warned me about general “cons” to his career choice.  I so far have not had any problem. Why? Because he is a fantastic man. Period.  A part of me thinks that if I am aware of potential problems, that I might fix them before they start or prepare myself for the road ahead. Admitting you (might) have a problem is the first step….
Orthopedic Surgeon Stereotypes/ Issues:
  1.      Cheating: My mother warned me from the time my now fiancé pick pre-med in college that doctors have a reputation for cheating on their wives. She still likes to remind me of this from time to time.
  2.           Long hours and never home: My maternal grandma since we got engaged has been having sit-down talks about raising kids on my own.  She raised 5 kids as a stay at home mom. She says she has no idea how she would have done it without staying home. I would imagine my uncles were a nightmare! In one of the classic stories told every Christmas, my uncles as boys somehow set fire to the driveway and put it out before grandpa or she found out.  In another story, my uncle ran across his 1st grade classroom (from the back of the room) after half paying attention to his teacher say “whoever knocks this over is gonna get it!” Naturally she was meaning ”knock this over and you get in big trouble!” Oh Uncle Bup (as we call him)… the teacher said nothing to him beside grab his arm an march him down to the principal’s office after he asked “what do I win?” Long story short- poor grandma B.
  3.        Recreational activities: Otho is notoriously know for it being “The good ol’ boys club”. See the picture:
  4.      Big Headedness: Need I say more....
  5.            Expectations: I have heard other doc wives say that have struggled being a stay at home wife and the husband comes home to expect perfection. I know from babysitting how crazy the life of a stay at home mom can be with multiple kiddos.
  6.           Pay/Debt: Residency only pays 50,000 per year. He alone for school (not cars or housing) has 300,000 of debt. We will be paying student loans through residency that lasts 5-6 years for surgeons. If you want to specialize, you may add another year.
  7.            Moving:  Medical families often move for undergrad, another for medical school, another move for residency, another possible move for fellowship, and another move when they find a real job.

Here is the thing about this post that is unsettling. ( I know this entire reading is sounding a tad depressing) I feel if I look at the good side to his career, I am scared I might find a lot less in that list. I am also scared after being together for 9 years, I might find that the only thing on that list is $$$. BAHAha and that isn’t even a pro until we pay off his debt of $300,000 and mine of $50,000. I love when my friend say “I looked up on google how much your husband will make and saw the figure $300,000 to $600,000 per year! No wonder you stayed with him for 8 years waiting for him to propose!” ….What an awesome way to burn me, not once but twice in a sentence! Good for you. I am so sick of justifying my relationship. Thank god my best friend and future maid of honor’s father is a general surgeon. She gets it. Just for everyone else, yes you who told me to be cautious marrying an othro guy, this is a list of wonderful things about him AND his career choice:
  1.   Helping People: He improves people’s quality of life. When is the last time you gave someone the ability to walk again? It is sexy, awesome, and makes me proud he picked me J Our future family will understand how helping people comes full circle.
  2.  Loving his job: I think life is about find what you love and holding on to it.
  3.  Goal Setting: He is driven and proves time and again, he is able to set and reach goals.
  4. Security: I will always feel safe with him. When we do decide to start a family, I will be able to go to him for everything!
  5.   Academics: I am so proud of how smart he is.
  6.  Balance: So far in medical school, he has done VERY well balancing our long distance relationship, working out, school, and friends. He will do well balancing work and a family in the future.
  7.  Quality time: The time he does spend with our future family will be cherished.
  8. Working Hard: Our children will know the value of working hard. Hopefully our future vacations with provide them with great experiences.
  9. The Value of Education: Our future children will grow up knowing academics pays off.
  10. Support: He and I will always need to be very supportive of one another to keep out marraige going. Never forgeting to do this will always make everyone in our family feel important.

I feel so much better for actually making the list! The pros are longer!!! Lol

Despite all the warning people have given me, he is an amazing man. I could not imagine living the adventure with anyone else. The pros definitely outweigh the cons. Is anything really perfect? Why try to find a problem when I don't have one!?


  1. Hi Jess. My name is also Jess. I was involved with an orthopaedic surgeon for 5 years. It can be a rocky road so stay strong and stay positive. For your sake, I hope your story has a happier ending than mine. He had a medical practice partnership go awry and things were never the same for us. He became a very jaded, negative person who forgot why he loved his profession in the first place. Nothing I did to support him in getting back on his feet helped at all. To make matters worse, my career started to go really well and this just made him resentful. While I started traveling more for business, he started screwing all the nurses in the hospital. He began an extramarital affair with a married nurse.

    1. For some reason it stopped letting me type so I will continue here. Just as we were making plans to start a life together, buy a home, get married and start a family, this nurse he worked with left her husband and he in turn left me for her.

      It took a very long time for my heart to heal but I know that she did not end up with the better deal. He sleeps around on her too and sadly, they have two kids together. I truly hope that you and your fiancé don't end up as me and my fiancé did. The doctor I dated was nothing more than the stereotype, cheating jerk. Best of luck to you.

    2. I'm very sorry for your experience. It's exactly what my family has warned me about. My high school best friend works as an orthopedic receptionist. She says the same. The unfortunate truths of the profession are scary. I am very confident mine is different since he was raised well. I feel we support each other and satisfy the others needs. In the same breath though, I'm sure no one goes into a marriage thinking otherwise. What year in training did the change in him happen?

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  3. Being an orthopedic doctor definitely has it's cons. It's great he has found something he's passionate enough about to pursue, though. I think it's great that you focus on the man you married, though. It's good to remember that through all the ups and downs of your profession, you have someone who is constant that you can rely on.

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  5. Orthopedic doctors are more than just foot doctors. These professionals are responsible for making people's lives easier and much more enjoyable.

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