Monday, March 2, 2015

First Months of PGY1

Guys, I’m going to get real with you for a second. It wasn’t easy. My first (half) year of marriage wasn’t what I expected; but, a year after match day with reflective eyes and fresh perspective, I can truly say we matched where we are supposed to be.

If you follow my blog, you know my June 2014 was pretty exciting. I finished my last day teaching at a school that I poured my heart, sole, and tears into, walked down the aisle 3 days later, closed on our house 3 days later, and moved out of my apartment 2 days after that. Charlie started his new job a week later. No honeymoon. I remember laying on a mattress on the floor of my new “master bedroom” 2 days after we were married WITHOUT my new husband thinking, “this is not how I pictured things”. He was back in our hometown retrieving the rest of his furniture from his parent’s house and coming up the next morning.

 I also never thought leaving my first teaching job was so rough. I was blessed to find a new job right away. Nothing will ever compare to LCS- fact. I miss the sense of community and pride in knowing I was going above and beyond for my students when their OAA scores came in. My job now is just very different. That’s all I’ll say. The up side though is that I have a lot less stress! I know feel how much stress my body was under at my old job. It’s great to be freed from that. Instead of coaching, I know tutor at $20/hr through Marshall University 4 hours a week. I can and hope to up my hours during the summer. I’m setting all the money aside in a savings account. My school also allows me to do parent workshops for a few hours on a given night of my choosing for $25/hr. It works out to $100 each time I do one since they also pay for prep time. Not bad at all! It definitely helps to make up for my pay cut coming from Ohio to West Virginia. I think my pay cut was something around $8k. 

A few months into PGY1 I was having crying fits multiple times a week. It got to be crippling. Charlie and I were fighting – over nothing. I was simply furious, constantly. Around Christmas I was introduced to the anti-depressant called Lexapro by of all doctors, my gyno. Let me tell you, EVERYTHING changed. I have not had a single crying spell or fought with Charlie since. I surely thought being so angry all the time was a result of PGY1 and being so resentful about having to move and quit my respected teaching job. I was in total denial. When you think of depression, you think more of the sadness and not the anger. Since I went to my gyno and told him my symptoms, he never gave me a diagnosis per say. When you google depression, to my surprise anger is one of the top symptoms along with weight changes, trouble sleeping, sadness, and low self-esteem. 

My last post was about how “fit” I was during my bachelor party. Well kids, I’m not fit anymore. Post wedding, I quit eating paleo and did the “whatever sounds good” diet. I also quit working out altogether. Why? I’m not really sure. Here I am writing this at 124lbs. 10 pounds heavier than in the picture below and embarrassed. Call it marriage. Call it lazy. Call it depressed. The craziest part of it all I still pay for a crossfit membership and don’t go. Whaaatttt???  I’ve been stuck in a rut of “tomorrow I’ll go.” Ridiculous. The upside is that I feel my energy levels coming back after completing the Whole30 (same diet I did before the super in shape pic before my bachelorette) and have lost 5 lbs! 

It’s now March and I finally feel like I have a hold of my new live in the residency phase. I’m going to church regularly, now eating how I used to pre-move and pre-wedding, feel secure in my new job, and ready to make a change to start lifting again. Life is good. My marriage is great. I am happy J!

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